Ok, so things are finally settling down in the recent upheaval in my life. I posted a while ago about some initial issues with my employer (at the time, sorry for ruining the ending), and have started composing a bunch of writings about my quarter life crisis, which ironically but understandably, I didn’t have time to finish / polish off due to the process of going through the actual quarter life crisis.
So here’s the quick deal on the quarter life crisis (I hope to fill in the details later): I got restless at my previous company because I felt my growing curve was plateauing (which is extremely dangerous, NEVER let that happen), and since my goals are not modest, any slowing of my trajectory is very disconcerting. I was also in Germany, and did not want to stay there too long in my mid-twenties because I found I like the US more than I realized, and I wanted to start building the life I want. So I took the plunge, turned down the offer with my old company, sent some emails around, and landed a consulting job in Boston, where my sister was living. I packed all my shit (which is still on a stupid boat, 6 weeks later!!!), moved to Boston, started working, and have been dealing with the unending relocation business.
So, back to what I wanted to say in this post.
There has been a recent uproar among the blogsphere and traditional media about Steve Jobs’ “Thoughts on Music” letter, posted on apple.com yesterday. I don’t need to summarize it, but go to <href=” for the actual thing, which you should read before forming your response, and the Slashdot thread, which is on point as usual. The idea is that Steve Jobs is actually caring about what consumer think and want, and has the balls to stand up to the big 4 labels. He’s also incredibly brilliant by sliding the onus on monopoly abuse away from Apple (which it’s getting in Europe), and onto the big labels, where it should be.
Apple has its fanboys, and its haters, but everyone has a position on it. It forces people to think. It challenges consumers to expect more, and companies to deliver. More on that later.
And to look forward to, here are some posts coming soon:
- Reversing the Adoption Trend: Consumers driving Technology
- Why Microsoft Sucks (almost too easy, but there will be several posts on this)
- More updates on the Quarter life crisis
- The single most important trait/thing in Life
- What if . . . Steve Jobs hadn’t come back?
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I just finished running my first marathon, and I have a running hangover. I never want to run again. But like such promises made about drinking, I doubt the conviction will last more than a week.
Being my first marathon, I wanted to go out there and be realistic, and went through the training. There are tons of training suggestions on the internet. Google them, read through several, and pick and choose to do what works best for you, the way you should do with recipes, they aren’t necessarily made to be followed to the ounce or the mile, and the fun it to be able to adapt to the situation, whether it’s playing soccer twice a week or not having any fresh sage. As for final prep, I would recommend Cleveland Clinic’s advice.
Back to the story at hand. My goal was a 3:30, a modest but challenging goal for the first time. That meant pretty much exactly 5 min per km (that’s how it’s done over here), which was easy to remember. The first 5 km, I was running 30 seconds under my pace (split: 23:13), on par for a 3:10, which is a phenomenal time, and qualifies for most major marathons. My main goal was to not experience pain for the first 2 and a half hours, so I kept a pace that would prevent that, even it was slightly faster. The pace continued through 10 km (split: 45:11), despite my efforts to slow down. Through 15 (1:07:34), hadn’t slowed down, 20 (1:29:38), 25 (1:52:21), crusing.
I was past half way, well on my way to a 3:10 (half-way split of 1:34:40), feeling great. The entire time I had been repeating to myself “there is nowhere you’d rather be, you’re feeling great, no pain, one km at a time”, and it was working. I mean I did feel all those things, but repeating it made me feel better. At km 30 (2:15:45), I began to feel the pain, which I knew was coming. I just didn’t know how hard it would come. But I didn’t slow down at all.
At 32 km down, I knew I just had 10 left, under 50 minutes, I can do anything for 50 minutes. So I pushed on, but my pace was slipping slightly, coming in at 35 km at 2:40:11. And then, I hit the wall. Hard.
In the last 7 km, I lost 15 minutes I had worked so hard to build up. I started crampingi up, slowly at first, right quad, pushed on. Then left hamstring, left calf, right calf, right hamstring, left quad. My entire legs were turning on me.
I knew I had to do something: stretch. The only problem was, when I tried to stretch my quad in the normal way, my hamstring would ball up like Sonic the Hedgehog. If I tried to stretch my hamstring, by straightening my leg slightly out in front, my quad would ball up like the aforementioned character. If I tried to stretch my calf the normal way, both my quad and ham would cramp up.
So the only thing left was a position that would still stretch them, albeit less effectively, without causing anything to cramp up. I found the position. It’s like when girl’s try to pee on a dirty toilet, a half squat, legs spread slightly apart, torso leaning slightly forward for balance. So that’s what I had to do. It wasn’t pretty. And to add ridicule to embarassment, the crowd was all chearing me on, telling me to keep going, shouting my name (printed on everyone’s number), as I was the only one really stopping, since I had worked my way up to the guys who were pretty competitive.
My plan for the last 7 km basically involved a continual rotation of walking and shaking my legs, shuffling like a sad and awkard old man, and doing my girl-peeing-on-a-dirty-toilet stretch routine. Like I said, it wasn’t pretty. I came in to the 40 km mark at 3:12:44 (losing over a minute per km), and finished at 3:25:50, 13:04 for the last 2.2 km!!! But at least I finished, felt like crap, felt full of adrenaline and taurine, and achieved a time that I could live with.
There are two important take aways from this, which is why I think it’s relevant to the Generation Echo blog. First, challenge yourself, put yourself on the line, do things that give you a black and white answer about where you stand, how hard you are. I’m a huge believer in this. It’s the only way to really see what’s inside. Since college, there are probably very few opportunities any of us have to really measure yourself, no tests, no college sports, fewer ambitious peers in the vicinity. So you have to make the opportunities, whether it’s physical, social, mental, intellectual, whatver, get out there and do it.
The second thing, slightly related to the first, is that today I found out I was physically, not mentally limited in my ability to achieve a faster time. That’s a good thing to know, because I know what to work on for the next time, training more, paying attention to my body. I personally would rather be physically limited, but it’s important to find out. Some people maybe excellent at the preparation, but afraid of the pain. At least you know what to work on for the next time, and you can always improve. I’m not judging what’s better or worse, just whaht works for me.
Now I’m off to take a long batch, eat pasta, and do my best to walk around my apartment as little as possible.
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For the past two months or so, I’ve been in the midst of what I increasingly realize is a full blown Quarter Life Crisis.I’ll be writing more about all of the thoughts that have been going through my head in this process, but keep in mind that the timing will be offset, mainly because I need some time to actually review what I’ve written into a format that makes sense for the blog posts, but also to throw off some sensitive information. This is also a classic example of living your life vs. chronicling it, which is an existential problem I have with blogging and social networking in general. I mean if somebody looks really cool on their myspace or facebook page, then how much time are they investing in looking cool instead of actually being cool.Here’s a general intro to the quarter life crisis. A few weeks ago was the 2 year anniversary of starting my current job, i.e. my first and only job. As one naturally does at such milestones, I began to think about what I had accomplished, where I was going, what I wanted out of my career, my life, my mid-twenties. So all of those points came to a head.
Career
In terms of my career, I am on many levels on a pretty good track, but by others not. My decision two years ago was to take the current job I have at a relatively small automotive supplier where I have a lot of responsibility, over a “management training” program at a large Tier 1 automotive supplier. I got to thinking about what would have happened had I taken the other offer (an unhealthy comparison, but still difficult to avoid). The program was laid out such that after 2 years, you would be managing a plant of some sort, probably at least on the scale of the current $10M revenue 40 person small manufacturing plant I work at now. Whereas my current job has me with a lot of responsibility and a lot of exposure, but not the kind of overall people management or financial responsibility that I would have likely had. So I began to get very restless, somewhat frustrated, and very pensive. The restlessness of the position stemmed from my insatiable desire and unwavering motivation to do great things. My goal is not to be my engineering manager in 13 years or a sales manager in 5, but to be a top executive in a large company or a CEO of a moderate to large company that I may or may not have started. I have never been one to make easily attainable goals, and am a firm believer that almost anything worth having is difficult to attain.
Personal life
In my personal life (romantically, socially, family), it was also a critical time. It involved making decisions about where to live for the next several years, which would have natural impacts on the people I met, the friends I made, the life I built. And if I were to build that life and network in a place that I knew I didn’t want to be long term, then I wouldn’t throw myself into it as intensely. In your mid-twenties, you (or at least I) begin to realize that although decisions aren’t irreversible, they have more and more of an impact on the rest of your life. I’m glad we live in a time that these types of decisions (i.e. marriage, career, etc.) are made later in life, giving you more time to develop your life goals.
What I could be doing
Then, of course, there is the unhealthy comparison of thinking of what you could be doing. I’ve always had many diverse interests, so it’s difficult to select a certain path with much certainty, because I know that I’ll inherently be closing other doors. For a while I wanted to work in industrial design, dabbled with architecture, thought about more hard core engineering, before settling (or at least starting) my current path of general business in the automotive industry, with the goal of general management and business. I’m still very entrepreneurial, which currently finds its outlet in a few small projects, but nothing concrete due to financial and time and contractual limitations. So the feeling of missing out on industrial design or the Internet Bubble 2.0 (aka Web 2.0) sometimes gnaws at me.
The Promise of your mid-twenties
Finally, the real quarter life crisis was about making the most of what is certainly the best time of my life to date (although I believe that feeling will be with me throughout my life, as it has been in the past. my golden years are the current years, whenever that is). But there are some truly unique aspects of being in your mid-twenties (I won’t say best), such as the freedom to travel and live around the world, not having a mortgage or kids to tie you down, having a lot of energy and an open mind. Ramit Sethi wrote an interesting post about this “It Never Gets Easier than Now”, which is a highly recommended read. So making the most of my mid-twenties was a key driver in this quarter life crisis.
In the next few weeks, which will likely see the resolution of this crisis, I’ll be writing more, but mainly trying to get the feelings of the change, not only the resolution. For those of you who know me personally, you might already know the ending, but the process is just as interesting.
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“Nobody ever was successful because they were the youngest in the class,” said Betsy Newell, director of the Park Avenue Christian Church Day School.
“The gift of a year, that’s what I always say to parents,” Mrs. Newell added. “The gift of a year is the best gift you can give a child.”
Preschoolers Grow Older as Parents Seek an Edge - New York Times - by Elissa Gootman
I came across this recently, and found myself at the complete opposite end of the spectrum. The NY Times story is about the growing but disturbing trend of holding back youngsters in Kindergarden, so that they are older when they get to elementary school, and therefore have a greater chance to succeed.
There is some logic to this, reinforced by the Freakonomics concept that star athletes are born earlier in the year, are therefore stronger and better than their peers at a given age group, and therefore get the most development work and coaching focus, thus making them into better players. There is an intersting article in the NY times about it.
Now I’ll be the first to state that the world is in fact becoming ever more competitive, as we release lots of smart, ambitious, hungry, well educated young people into the same job market as us sheltere Americans (and Wester Europeans too for the most part). But I fundamentally disagree with the first statement above.
I came from pretty much the opposite side of this issue. I had always
been on the young side of the curve, with a July birthday, and come middle school, I was doing fine, even excelling to a point that I had acquired enough credits to skip 9th grade. One of those credits was for Pre-Calculus, whichI took in 8th grade at the nearby high school, since it wasn’t offered in my middle school. I was the youngest by at least 3 years, and you know what, I succeeded partly because I was the youngest, in flat out contradiction of Mrs. Newell. I felt I had to prove myself, and by the end of the year, the high school juniors and seniors were asking me for help.
Regarding the second statement, about the value of a year, I agree with the wording, but disagree with what Mrs. Newell means. I look at it from a completely opposite view point. The value of a year, and the “gift of a year” is to do something MORE with that year, to be pushed to a point where you are more advanced than your peers age wise, and therefore have seen and done more, and have used that additional year to challenge yourself, not to become the big man on the elementary school campus.
That brings me back to the option of skipping 9th grade. Being in 8th grade, one does not necessarily see or understand the entire world, and while the final decision was clearly up to me, I was definitely pushed by my parents. I decided to do it, skip a year, mainly because my personality loves challenges, and I feel that challenges bring out the superlatives in a person. Notice I didn’t say best, sometimes it can bring out the worst, force people to crack under pressure, but challenges serve as great polarizers in life. Thinking about it, my love for challenges probably stems from my love for polarizing situations and factors. The social and intellectual challenges (more of the former, and believe me, there were plenty) helped form me into who I am today.
So my partents (with the immature and naive approval of my 8th grade self) gave me the gift of a year, in the opposite way as these NYC parents are doing. And looking back, it was in fact the best gift they could have given me. During my freshman year in college, I learned more, experienced more, exposed myself to more, challenged myself more than I ever would have in that same year as a senior in high school.
Coddlng someone into a false sense of security is not doing anyone a favor. At some point they’ll feel bad for being a year or two older than the rest of the class. But at least they were successful in elementary school.
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This blog is really just about my musings about the world around me. I think about everything, and want to get my thoughts out there. The topics will range, but the organizing theme is the attitude and world view of young people in general, and how technology is changing society, business, and the world as we know it. I think the two issues go hand in hand, and will continue to co-evolve.
There are several amazing blogs out there that I do not intend or expect to compete with. These are on my blogroll (on the right), because I like them, I read them, and I will reference them, not try to outgun them. Here’s a quick review and statement about how they reflect Generation Echo.
- Slashdot
- The quintessential blog for the tech savy, world aware, self-proclaimed tech nerd. Unlike Tech Crunch, which focuses more on popular technology and web sites, Slashdot delves more into the actual deep down technology and posts regularly about the impact of technology on society. Seeing how most of the greatest influences and changes in our lifetime will come about from technology, this is the best place to read about it first. To rephrase what Clemenceau brilliantly said, “Technology is too important to be left to tech nerds.”
- Springwise
- The daily and monthly versions (respectively) monitoring overall entrepreneurial ideas, general trends, and social influences. Perfectly dovetails with a lot of the general concepts provided here, and Trendwatching has a great lexicon of new terms being developed and increasingly used to describe these concepts.
- Tech Crunch
- Not much needs to be said here, just a phenomenal site to keep yourself up to date with the latest technology, cool new and useful websites. The reviews are always timely, usually well thought out, and easily searchable.
- Web Worker Daily
- A great site to highlight the convergence of Web 2.0 technologies and how they influence the work people do. It is a good resource for tools, technologies, and how they are being used.
- The Long Tail
- Perhaps one of the motivating factors for the start of Generation Echo, which facilitates and encourages the tipping of the balance from head (think large corporations, blockbuster movies) to the tail (independent web workers, unsigned artists). It’s a crucial concept to understand the upcoming disruptions to many major industries (and that has already happened to the music industry).
I’ll write more about other interesting blogs, and I’ll try to post my thoughts on many of them in the coming weeks, but first I wanted to get this brief review up.
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A year ago I bought my first car with my own money. I was looking for something sporty, with pretty good gas mileage since I’d be having a 30 mile commute each way, comfortable, good looking, nice interior, good features. Maybe a lot to ask for, but that’s what we should expect. Working for an automotive supplier that supplies to the Big 3 (a dubious name now that Toyota is second and one of the former Big 3 is more German than American), I had supplier discounts to American cars before GM launched their “Employee Discount for Everyone” promotion that pulled sales ahead and made their number look good for a few months, then disastrous the months after that. So with the supplier discount, I started looking at cars that I could use this discount with, and to my dismay (but not to my surprise) I didn’t find a single American car that I wanted. Nothing. They were either too big or too clumsy, too cheap or too slow. So I ended up getting a VW GTI 2-door hatchback, with 180 hp, sunroof, leather, good stereo system, and a lot of fun to drive.
My point is that the doldrums that GM and Ford find themselves in is a result of decades of catering to the wrong demographic. The demographic that matters right now in the automotive world is hands down our generation. For many reasons.
- Future Purchasing Power
- Growth for automobiles in the future will come from products that cater to the future generation of car purchasers. Getting a pulse on this market will inevitable help with the general prediction of the future. I will acknowledge that age is not the only market that predicts the future trends, there are areas (such as California and Urban areas in general) that have been historically very good predictors of the automotive trends. And the fact that the classic American companies are doing SO poorly in exactly these markets is not good news.
- Customer Trends
- Customer trends are determined by future purchasers on their way up, not by current purchasers on their way out. Think of this example, cars with masculine images sell better to females (and therefore overall) than cars with feminine images sell to males (how many guys do you know proudly driving a New Beetle or first generation SLK, versus women proud to be driving SUV’s and pickups). On this logic, a car (or more likely a brand) that is cool among young people will sell easier to older people (think Honda Element) than a car (or brand) with a stodgy image trying to sell to younger people (think Oldsmobile, Cadillac)
Being an American, I tend to root for American companies and the American economy on the whole. But I am also very hard on corporations that are missing the boat, whatever country they are from (I’ll also comment on Sony’s malaise and how I don’t have one ounce of empathy for them).
Ford and GM are in the position they are at right now from their own doing. It’s not the Japanese or the Koreans or the Chinese. It’s Ford and GM. I don’t feel bad for them one bit, and the fact that they’ve been missing the market so badly for so long has undoubtedly lowered consumer expectations and options for a while, so it’s all right that GM and Ford suffer a bit. And if and when they make a strong comeback, the will have hopefully learned the important lessons (like they did in the 80’s with Japan’s initial threat), and we’ll all be better off.
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At college, whenever we needed ice for of-age or underage parties
(more often the latter), we always knew where to go to get the large
plastic garbage bags required to transport the ice and keep it from
getting your entire dorm wet: garbage cans. The janitors kept spare
clean garbage bags at the bottom of the garbage cans, so that every
time you empty the trash by removing a full garbage bag, the new
clean ones are right where you need them. Think about how brilliant
this is. No really, take a moment and think about this truly elegant
solution to what otherwise could be a significant logistical challenge.
There were 5000 students at my university, about 4,000 lived on
campus. In my hall there were 16 of us and 2 trash cans, so let’s
round conservative to one per 10 people. They were probably emptied
twice a week, so we’re talking about 2 bags per 10 people per week,
that’s 800 bags of trash per week! (Seems high, so if you have
additional information, feel free to challenge my virtual napkin
math) Spread over 20 dorms and 80 floors, that’s a wide array. If
the spare bags had to be carted around, there would be considerable
energy just spent on transporting the bags, before even getting to
the less than idyllic and not wholly unchallenging task of actually
emptying the bags. So the work was simplified by leaving the empty
bags exactly where they would be needed next: at the point of use.
Now think about where this line of thinking could save you time and
energy in other ways. Why isn’t toilet paper stored in the toilet
paper dispenser. Imagine a tall vertical stack of rolls, when you
unroll the last square, inevitably rendered unusable by the glue that
keeps the entire roll together, instead of holding your breath in
anxiety hoping you can find a full roll before people get suspicious,
you just pull out the empty tube and down pops the new one. This
solves two problems at once: storage (where the hell to keep the
Charmin rolls), and the awkward behind-closed-doors-shouting question
about where the owner/resident keeps the spare rolls. Granted, this
type of structure is more beneficial for a sequential use of
inventory, and not as well suited to something as random as picking
the clothes you’re going to wear (unless you’re Steve Jobs). But it
could still be applied in a more loose sense, say positioning the
closet adjacent to the bathroom, so that the next logical step after
a shower (getting dressed), is also the next physical step. This
works to a lesser degree in shared bathrooms (i.e. dorms), which is
potentially a reason people don’t tend to expect it, they’re just
used to something worse.
The point is that things should be stored where they are used and
needed, or organized in a way that is in line with how you live,
work, etc. Forget a “storage closet”, but have things there, just in
time, ready to be of service when you need it.
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Recently, probably somewhat related to issue that led to the talks of
teamwork and my heated interactions with my boss and the general
manager, I haven’t been feeling particularly loyal or devoted to my
company. To be honest, this feeling isn’t new, but has only been
heightened. I look at work as a business, not a charity, not a
family. My company pays me to do work for them, which in turn makes
them money. In general, it makes them more money than it does me, so
I have very little pity. I do not feel like I owe them anything, and
neither should they feel they owe me anything more than they can get
away with paying me. I’m not saying that I am not loyal, but rather
that my loyalty stems from a working relationship, not from any
emotional or other connection. I’ve made it a point since starting
work to have my central group of friends and life be outside of
work. I have very few work friends, partly because they’re generally
older and I have little in common, but mainly because I want it to be
that way. Admittedly, that stance made the initial transition to
Germany much more difficult, but now I am really grateful that I held
out and waited to build up my own social life.
I have read stories about how Proctor & Gamble employees are
extremely company-centric, have almost exclusively P&G friends, and
really live and breathe the company culture. Honestly, I personally
find that boring and limiting, but if I were an executive or
shareholder of that company, I’d probably think it was wonderful.
Creating devotion and getting reliable hard work and good results
from employees is something every company wants. The Japanese in
general are also amazing in their ability to devote themselves
tirelessly (literally working often until “last train”) to the goals
of a company. It’s part of their culture, and it’s a large part of
what makes Toyota what it is today (and more importantly getting to
that point).
Despite some of the clear advantages, I know I am definitely not
built that way. And I also am not so sure that kind of devotion and
single-focus is always necessary. First, let’s look on a personal
level. I have always strived to be well rounded, never being too one-
sided. Although I was to a large extent a math and engineering nerd,
I made it a point to round out with foreign languages (minoring in
German), going to a liberal arts college, doing marine studies
programs, studying art and architecture. I’m socially well rounded,
multi-cultural, travelled, physically active (from intercollegiate
varsity rowing to German Kreisliga soccer to running marathons), and
well read among topics as varied as psychology, history, modern
novels, business, strategy, self improvement, philosophy. I say this
all not to show off, but to reflect the fundamental point: the reason
I am all of those things is because I want to be all of
those things. I have a relentless desire to do different things, be
a jack of all trades, be competitive on every front. I read
different subjects even now, 2 years out of graduate school because I
am interested in a variety of subjects. I enjoy rowing
AND soccer AND training for a marathon. I enjoy dancing all night to
techno, having a chill whiskey, and drinking cheap beer at a house
party.
So the point of that surprisingly long tangent was to stress that
being diverse is good for the company, maintaining outside interests
is healthy, and the way to be successful is not necessarily to get
really nerdy single-minded people but to establish a work environment
that is challenging, rewarding, and exciting. I know that’s what I
want. Not to cheer some lame corporate logo or new mission statement.
It’s a similar situation with patriotism. I’m a first generation
American, of Cuban and Peruvian descent, living in Europe. I was
born and raised in Miami (how ‘American’ Miami is, is a totally
different discussion). There are many things I love about the USA:
the unbeatable college/university system, the entrepreneurial spirit
(woo hoo, I spelled that right the first time without spellchecker!),
the short but principled history, the stable legal and political
systems that make it possible to build immense wealth honestly.
There are also things about the USA that I hate: McDonalds, ignorance
of other cultures, George W. Bush, Wal-Mart, urban planning built
around and reinforcing a debilitating and frustrating reliance on
cars. I am not afraid to challenge the things I don’t like, and I
feel that doing so will make my country a better to live for me, my
fellow citizens, and all of our offspring.
I know that if I worked at Apple, I’d have insane and probably
unhealthy company devotion, and if Bill Clinton were still President,
I’d be a hell of a lot more patriotic than I am now. So is the fault
in how I look at the situation? Or in the leaders and issues? And
furthermore, does unbridled company devotion and blind patriotism
really help? I do honestly feel that a little doubt, controversy,
dialogue and general challenges to the status quo should help bring
about change, ideally for the better, but at the minimum to help
think about the current situation.
Probably the best lesson I learned about my previous e-mail
situation, was understanding how and when to challenge. The way I
did it actually undermined the point I was trying to make, and ended
up putting me unnecessarily on the hot seat (nevermind that I somehow
loved the feeling and intensity of being in that position).
I will never stop challenging myself, my parents, my family, my
superiors, my company, my country. I just hope I can do it in a way
that actually brings about change, and doesn’t move people to build
up walls, defend their current position at all costs, and put me in
an undesirable position.
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Today was probably the most exciting day at work since coming to
Germany. Regarding the email I sent to the entire company about
refusing to sign things that were backdated, I had a meeting with my
direct engineering manager, the general manager, and the controller /
personnel manager. It was similar to the talk I had earlier with my
engineering manager alone, but this time a lot more intense. The
general manager and the personnel manager lit into me about how what
I did was completely out of line, the wrong way to do it,
unprofessional, and could jeapordize the upcoming audit. Somehow I
reveled in the intensity, fueling off the seriousness, loving the
exchanges of looks and words at the high stakes poker table.
The personnel manager also posed me some questions about parallel
situations that I might encounter in the sales area, and what I would
do. Would I sign a document with an old date to meet the purchasing
managers budget requirements if it meant the difference between
getting the contract or not. I said it was unfair to make that
direct comparison, since my email was mainly about the upcoming audit
and documents related to it.
Leadership:
At the end I held my ground, admitted that there was a better way to
do it, but took a lot of hits. One of the recurring thoughts was how
my direct manager said I have a problem with authority. I don’t
think that’s true, but I do feel that I don’t have to blindly follow
bad leadership as if I were in the military. Admittedly part of this
stems from a lack of respect for my current boss, for many reasons,
chief among them being the very unprofessional and unwelcoming first
day on the job in Germany (more on that later maybe). I feel
leadership needs to be earned and understood, reasoned with, not
bought or forced.
I was able to force a meeting for a solid half hour where we were
able to discuss this issue openly. Unfortunately the bulk of the
meeting focused on how I did what I did, as opposed to the underlying
issues that drove it. But I worry that I would not have gotten an
open ear had I not done that. All in all I don’t regret it, partly
for pushing the issue, partly for showing I can take heat, and partly
for the excitement of finally having a truly meaningful discussion at
work. I was getting really bored of the standard routine and not
high stakes issues. Additionally, both positively and negatively, I
have called everyone out, and so by default I will now be held to a
high standard, especially by my agitated boss, so I will have to work
harder and more carefully, but that’s not a bad thing.
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As a follow up to yesterday’s thought. Today my direct engineering manager called me
aside into the conference call to discuss the email I had sent.
He disagreed with the message, and with how it came across. He said that to be a
team player one had to be willing to help others, even if that means signing
documents with a past date. He mentioned that it came across as if I was trying
to teach everyone, that I had removed myself from theam. There was a bit of
truth to this, wanting to challenge others to a higher standard, but not at
all that I wanted to remove myself from the team. From my position of
authority, or lack thereof, I cannot make statements that determine what others do, I
can only control what I do. And the idea was to control what I sign and
what I don’t as a way of influencing what I can, and not compromising my
standards. He also discussed how at some point in the future I
would come across a similar situation and I would need the support from people, but
I responded by saying that I would never force anyone to sign anything if
it went against there core principles.
We had a long discussion, tense at times. I admitted that it came across
stronger than I wanted, but was not willing to take back my refusal to put my signature
on something that I did not agree with. This really upset him, I
think he might have been expecting me to just accept everything and cower down,
but I wasn’t. At times he was visibly angry, asking why I wasn’t taking
his advice. I responded by saying that I was listening, and taking
some of it, but that I can’t take all the advice.
It did get me thinking more of the overall issue. I’m reading this book “Crucial
Conversations”, and one of the examples is not to make react too strongly, like
the guy who says something mean “because he was the only one who had the
guts to.” This doesn’t usually have the desired effect of rallying
people around a cause, and I wonder if what I did was similar, or if it indeed
has some of the similar points.
The other conundrum is that by holding others to a higher standard, and putting yourself on
real or perceived pedestal, you’re exposing yourself more and better work harder
to keep that position. I guess that’s a good thing, having to keep
yourself honest, and openly admitting failures when they go against a position
you’ve claimed.
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